Winter makes it not want to squirt out. So, each time I press the button to release the fluid is a risk. Will my windshield be cleaner? Or will the crud smear more?
Lately, it's been smearing more. Now that spring is approaching, I think that might change.
But on Tuesday, that was not the case. As sludge spewed from another car's tires to my windshield, I turned on my wipers only to smear it more and see less. And then I drove down the interstate and country roads. My view was tainted by the nastiness across my windshield.
As I drove on, I glanced into my rear-view mirror, and I glanced out the passenger window. I was surprised. I saw with clarity. I thought, "So that's what it really looks like outside! Huh."
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| (For the record, I took this picture after my drive when I was safely parked outside of my destination) |
And I drove. And I thought about how easy it is to forget what it looks like to see clearly.
For the last year or so, I feel like I've been squinting and shifting in my seat to get a better glimpse of where I'm headed -- not just down the highway, but in life in general.
For the first time ever, my life hasn't had a clear plan. (Honestly, I have more direction this month than in the past year. I've started a job with Sioux Falls Young Life, an organization I love, and it may develop into more of a long-term job. Maybe. Maybe not.)
But I still sit and squint and shift wondering what God is doing, wondering where he's taking me.
Sometimes I get so caught up in how hazy the view is. I can't fully see where I'm going. Even after I squint and shift, I'm not sure if I'm actually driving between the lines. (I know that seems scary. But don't worry; I haven't crashed. Or had people honk at me. Or been in the way of on-coming traffic. So I must have been between the lines...)
Sometimes I get so caught up in how hazy the view of my future is. Am I moving forward with purpose? Is God leading me into new adventures, or am I missing it and unknowingly swerving across all the lines?
And then I see the rear-view mirror. I see with clarity. I see how I'm between the lines on the highway. I see how the outside world looks without dirt tainting the view.
And then I see how God has always been faithful. How he has always been with me. Always. How even in the middle of so much heartache and confusion, he has been faithful. I see it in old journal entries, in old blog posts, in conversations with friends, and in where all of those things have led me to today.
On Tuesday, I drove. And I had all of these thoughts. And I was overwhelmed with memories of how God has been faithful to me in so many big and small ways.
And today, the temperature increased, and my windshield wiper fluid worked. And I saw clearly in front of me without squinting or shifting around in my seat.
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