[Reader, you're important too. It's just been so long, too long, that I'm taking this one post to get reacquainted with my blog. Yep, that's right. When I say "blog," I mean "Blog." I am writing a letter to this space itself. Maybe not to this space itself, but to what it represents. Even though this isn't directed to you, Reader, I think you may still enjoy this experience of me awkwardly becoming reacquainted with this space. So thanks for joining me and the Blog in this (hopefully) special moment.]
I've neglected you, and I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. It just sort of happened. You know, I thought of opening up this page on a separate tab in Chrome with just one click time after time, but then I said, "I'll do it later."
Sometimes I do that, not just to you, but to others too. I think about how I need to call, text, reach out, but then I don't. Life is full, and I think, "Tomorrow will have more time. I'll be able to think, to write, to speak better tomorrow."
Sure enough tomorrow comes. But that's about all that is fulfilled from my wishful thinking. The day is just as full. If it's not, I'm catching up on other things. I'm resting in ways other than writing.
Blog, I don't mean to neglect. I've actually missed you.
Sometimes it can just be hard to start up with old things again. Where do we begin? How do I cover all (or even any) of the thoughts in my head? How do I make words into sentences and complete, coherent thoughts?
So I avoided you. It was easier to avoid you.
I don't want to avoid you. You may not believe me because of my recent actions, but it's true.
You see, when people ask me what I want to be when I "grow up," I always respond, "A writer." My response is spoken in complete confidence. I want to write. I want that title to be descriptive of me.
It's just that when life is full and my mind is drained, writing is too difficult. When I hardly have words to speak, I believe the lie I don't have words to write. That's not true. Writing helps me articulate my thoughts. It helps me understand my thoughts. My entire self is a writer. You probably that already though.
The other day, someone asked me if I felt like I had recovered from the burn-out I "yessed" myself into this spring.
I replied, "I'm close."
The person inquired, "What will it take to get you there?"
I knew the answer. I have always known the answer.
"Getting back into writing. I'll know I'm over burn-out when I start indulging in the joy of writing again."
Blog, I have spent weeks trying to figure out how to get back into this space with you. I knew a typical post just wouldn't work; it didn't make sense. Burn-out, recovery, and slowly learning to life a grace-filled life built on the foundation of balance and rest has changed me. And after all we've been through in the last three years, I didn't know how to share that with you.
Silly, right? You've been with me through a lot of change. And this change is a good one. I'll share loads more about it with you in the future. Until then, just know that I have missed you. I'm glad to be back with you, and since we covered this reintroduction, we can move forward.
Blog, thank you for your patience. Thank you for hearing me out. Thank you for being a symbol that I'm living a full life in the best way possible: a life-giving full life.
You'll hear from me soon.
- Kayla
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