Failing at NaNoWriMo While Not Failing at Life

I love National Novel Writing Month. This year was my third year participating, and I expected it to be my third year winning. 

But it wasn't. 

I have spent November learning that it was going to be okay to not win NaNoWriMo. I learned that a failure doesn't make me a failure. 

My life has been one spent striving for perfection. I bought into the lie that once I reached perfection, once I performed well enough, then I would be enough. 

I've been working through that lie fighting it with truth. 

The best way to practice that truth is to joyfully fail. And here we are.

However, I am sad I didn't spend much time writing in November. Look at my low NaNoWriMo stats:

Basically, I only worked on this novel for two days and don't have much to show for either writing session.

Instead of stressing out about how far behind I was, I spent November relaxed. I enjoyed life. I saw friends. I loved the time I spent writing, but I didn't wrestle with negative self-talk in my head about how I should have been writing during each spare moment I had.

Instead of spending all my time writing, I spent more time in November just learning how to be Kayla and accepting that that's enough. And it was so good, reader. 

I've decided that maybe my novel idea for 2015 was better left as that poem I wrote. I believe that much more writing will happen in the future as I learn to write for the sake of creating rather than striving to be enough through perfectionism.

I still want to participate in NaNoWriMo in future years. I still want to be a writer when I grow-up. I just needed this one November to learn that existing is enough. 

With only 1,154 words written for NaNoWriMo 2015, I may have failed at that adventure, but I didn't fail at life. And that simple truth is so good.