As October came this year, I knew there was a story in me aching to come out, so I signed up for NaNoWriMo again.
November came. I wrote.
On day 2, I realized that this wasn't going to easy. This story was going to be a difficult one to write. I wrote a blog post about how I needed to remember hope, for my character and for me.
I thought maybe some day I would explain why it was hard. But I actually thought I wouldn't. I didn't want to share what I was writing about. I didn't even really want to write it. I only knew it needed to come out, to write itself.
November went by, and I went days and days without writing. The story was too hard. I couldn't go there. I couldn't deal with that. I couldn't.
As the end of November was rapidly approaching, I knew I needed to make a decision: to finish the novel or not -- to keep writing or to quit.
I almost quit.
But I didn't. I knew I needed to reach that end of the story. I needed to be reminded of the goodness at the end of the story. I needed to see Him throughout that story.
So I wrote. The last week of November, I went to Starbucks to work, and I stayed home to write. And I sat in the corner of Caribou to write. And I won NaNoWriMo. I wrote 50,000 words and then some.
I slayed the dragon that was the fear of my story. 50,000 words written. Eliana's story told. In a way, it was my story told.
I said I would maybe some day explain why it was hard. I would possibly share what my story was about. I didn't want to. But in writing, I learned I need to -- not for me but for Him.
Eliana's story, my story, is about a relationship. It starts off in a seemingly wonderful state, but it falls apart quickly. There are warning signs which are continuously ignored. The naive couple pursues the relationship desperate to make it work yet moving further away from the heart of God. There's a marriage proposal followed by an acceptance. There is sin. There are countless nights ending arguments and tears. There is an end to the relationship; she reaches apathy. She doesn't think she will ever feel again. He thinks he can win her back. She believes she failed him, their families, and God.
Friends, readers, strangers, it's my story. It's the story of a relationship that I held on to throughout college. It's the story of finally letting it go because I was no longer me. It's the story of realizing that there were so many obvious signs that the relationship was unhealthy, that he was emotionally abusive, that I was wanting to win something that wasn't meant to be a competition. It's the story of learning how to proclaim, "I am not perfect!"
That was the hard part. Revisiting all of those memories was painful.
But there's another part. There's the redemption. There's the God who was present in all of that junk. There's the God who loved me and that young man through it all. There's the God who gave me the world (literally, the world from Ghana to Eastern Europe) when I accepted his offer to follow him out of that relationship. There's the God who redeemed every broken part of my heart and helped me to feel. There's the God who is not surprised by that story.
There's the God who wants to redeem more broken people with broken stories.
Honestly, even though I won, I haven't finished the story. The end is written, but parts of the middle are missing. I reached 50,000 words, but there is more story to be told. And I will tell it -- not for the sake of winning, but for the sake of pointing myself and any potential readers to the Redeemer of Eliana, the Redeemer of me: Jesus.
To celebrate the win, I bought a sweatshirt. And I even went so far as taking a selfie to share the beauty of my purchase with you:
Be courageous with your story. It's what I'm learning to do. I want to be courageous with this beautiful gift of redemption Jesus gave me. I want to tell it well -- not just this small part, but my whole story.
In March of last year, Jesus helped me write about another hard part of my story. Although, I like to call it "our story" since he is the main character. You can read each part of it here (1), here (2), and here (3).
But reader friend, I'm not actually asking you to follow those links. Instead, I am going to ask you to be courageous with your story. Share it. Speak it. Write it. Draw it. Whatever you need to do to tell it, do it. I want to hear it. If God has redeemed you, he deserves the glory for it. Share it.
If you have no idea what redemption through Jesus looks like, I would love to share more with you. It's a good story -- the best one really.
And if you're interested in learning more of my relationship story and the redemption through reading Eliana's story, I'll let you know if it ever gets published. But until then, if you're really interested, let me know. I can send you the rough draft. (And boy is it rough, friends!)
Be courageous with your story. Be courageous with His story.
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