Judgment, Fear, Risks, and Art

On Friday nights, we have ladies' night on our team in order to be more intentional with another. We've realized that living together does not automatically create authentic and great community. So we set aside two hours to bond just as women every week.

Last night, two of the women decided on our agenda; it included sharing what God has been teaching them and how that affects us as a community. We spent the night talking about judgment.

You see, we all felt judged. And we all knew it.

Now, it's easy for us to think, "What's the big deal? Everyone judges and feels judged. It's a part of life, especially for women." But that's not what God thinks.

Some of my teammates shared some Scripture including

• We who are strong must be considerate of those who are sensitive about things like this. We must not just please ourselves. We should help others do what is right and build them up in the Lord. For even Christ didn’t live to please himself. As the Scriptures say, “The insults of those who insult you, O God, have fallen on me.” Such things were written in the Scriptures long ago to teach us. And the Scriptures give us hope and encouragement as we wait patiently for God’s promises to be fulfilled.May God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus. Then all of you can join together with one voice, giving praise and glory to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.
  Therefore, accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory. (Romans 15:1-7)
• I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 15:13)
• Therefore I [Paul], a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. (Ephesians 4:1-3)
• Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy. (Ephesians 4:21-24)
• Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.
  And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption.
  Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:29-32)
• Don’t speak evil against each other, dear brothers and sisters. If you criticize and judge each other, then you are criticizing and judging God’s law. But your job is to obey the law, not to judge whether it applies to you. God alone, who gave the law, is the Judge. He alone has the power to save or to destroy. So what right do you have to judge your neighbor? (James 4:11-12)
• Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. (1 John 4:7)

My dear friends were willing to address a topic that we all desperately avoided these past 7 months. And the result was beautiful. We read the Scriptures, heard their convictions, dimmed the lighting, and went around in a circle sharing the things for which we felt judged. It was hard, but is was so good.

One of the women pointed out that the things we felt most often judged for were the things that we joked about. We learned that sarcasm can sometimes tear us down more than we're willing to admit. Yikes.

After that, we spoke truth into each others' lives. We affirmed one another. We took God at his word and decided to encourage one another and deepen our love and harmony.

It was my favorite ladies' night by far!

The story could end here, but thankfully God's teaching me even more about this subject.

I met with a sophomore on Thursday. She shared with me what she learned in her time with the LORD that morning. She's afraid to take risks because she doesn't want to fail. She has never run for an office in any organization even though others have challenged her to do so. She's afraid of the "worst case scenario." She learned that that fear is absolutely ridiculous. She was created for more than that. She's missing out on opportunities in life, and she's done with her fear. As I listened to this beautiful woman share her heart, I realized that the LORD was speaking to me through her.

I'm afraid of rejection. I'm afraid of being judged. So I don't take risks well. I've spent the past few days reflecting on what I've been missing because of my fear.

A prime example is singing. I used to sing, and I loved it. Then I quit in high school thinking AP classes were more important. So foolish. (For the record, AP Chemistry is not important if you study Social Work or Music.) I could have returned to singing in college, but I was too afraid of auditioning. I didn't want others to judge my voice. I didn't want to take a risk and potentially fail. Now, I struggle to sing in front of my closest friends. I gave up something I love because I don't want anyone to shoot me down.

Thankfully, this year has been one of SLOWLY learning to sing in front of my teammates. I still don't do it as often as I should. But we're making progress. I hope to continue to learn how to sing with an audience, to be "me" in front of other people, to take risks, to attempt to make art in the real world.

I was reading The Lipstick Gospel the other day, and the author reviewed a book called Life After Art by Matt Appling. In his book (which I have yet to read), Matt explains that we were created to make art, but somewhere along the way, we became afraid of rejection. We rejected ourselves. And we stifled our inner child by refusing to take the risk. The book's trailer is a winner. Want to watch it?

We all hate being judged. Fear can so easily consume us when we're focused on the potential judgment of others. But we're meant to be free from that. I'm continuing to learn more about exactly how I'm free to fail. Jesus loves me enough to allow me to be free to fail. I don't need to be perfect. I just need to follow him, trust him, and take the risks he's asking me to take. And who knows, maybe he'll ask me to do crazy things like continue to share how I feel judged, be in messy community, meet with women who I am "under-qualified" to lead, sing, and make art.

What fears are keeping you from making art? What art are you called to create?

All who confess that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in them, and they live in God. We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love.
God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world.
Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. (1 John 4:15-18)