Heavy, Sunken, Separated, Detached

Two months ago, I was struggling to form words to speak with friends about the growing experience of my depression. I spoke less. I stumbled through answering questions. 

But when the evening came, and I found myself alone with my swarming thoughts, I grabbed my iPad and began to type. That evening, words became my refuge. Written word gave me the opportunity to express what I was unable to say to my people. 

Written word has continued to be my refuge in depression. I don't write often, but I write when I need to - when the darkness settles in and I feel overwhelmingly alone and confused. Sharing my writing with a handful of friends or the world of Instagram has helped me resist complete isolation. 

In order to bring a little more light to depression, I'm sharing that writing here. 

Depression for me requires poetry. I cannot use prose to capture the chaos of the mind. The following is my first poem about depression, my first attempt at putting my experience into words. 

Heavy
Sunken
Separated
Detached
Fully present in weight
Hidden in the mental fog

I must admit my depression

Exhausted 
Emotionally withdrawn
Craving the release of tears
Lacking the energy to permit release

I admit defeat to my depression

Not forever
But today
Without shame
I confess that depression is consuming me
        Mind, Body, Spirit

In sickness
In fear
In a new sense of loneliness
Depression fights to isolate me

In written word
I resolve
To admit depression
To fight isolation
Listening to my Mind, Body, Spirit
For I will last
I will endure through depression

Even while I am heavy
Sunken
Separated
Detached