The Importance of Sweet, Slightly Older Friends

A few summers ago, I sat in a coffee shop with a sweet friend on a beautiful afternoon. We chatted about a shared predicament: We both wanted something, but we didn't know how to ask for it.

It seemed so silly. It should be easier. How could we not ask for it? Why did we even have to ask for it?

We both wanted a mentor, a woman slightly older than us who had a considerable amount of wisdom and experience from which we could benefit. The problem wasn't that our lives were short of incredible slightly older women. We knew plenty. We also knew their schedules. Many were wives, moms, employees, volunteers, and more. They were busy. We couldn't bring ourselves to ask them to sacrifice and make their schedules even busier. It seemed too selfish. 

But it still seemed necessary. 

We kept saying things like, "Just think about what you would do a if a girl you met from Young Life asked you to go get coffee. You would love it! You would of course say, 'YES!' She would do the same thing, right? She's just busy, but she would say 'Yes.'" 

It was a valid point. Whenever my high school friends asked me to get coffee so they could share their lives with me, I wouldn't decline. I was excited. Even if I was super busy, I joyfully made it work. My sweet friends are high on my priority list; I love them. If they expressed a need, it came before the long list of papers to write and textbooks to read.

But I still couldn't bring myself to ask a slightly older woman to commit to meeting with me on a regular basis. I asked different women to coffee occasionally, and all of those coffee dates greatly shaped my view of myself, God, and the world. I soaked in some incredible wisdom that still affects my life years later. And as I think about it all, I realize that I missed out on some great opportunities to be impacted by more wisdom, or to be impacted by that wisdom earlier when it would have been preventative rather than reactive. 

As I prepare to return to South Dakota in less than a month, there are things that I am beyond excited to experience again. One is Mexican food. I like it way more than pasta. It just took living in a place with limited access to Mexican food to realize it.

But more than I desire to return to Mexican food, I desire to return to my Sioux Falls community. I can't wait to be a fully involved member in my church. And I can't wait to beg a woman who is slightly older than me to intentionally mentor me. I'm finally going to do it. Because I am realizing more and more that I need it -- that even though my peers are full of rich wisdom, there is something magical about doing life with a slightly older woman.

It's not that I've been going through withdrawal over here in Eastern Europe. If anything, I think I've finally been properly exposed to the benefits of regularly talking with slightly older women.

I have a fantastic boss. She always gracefully speaks truth into my life. I should have asked her to talk more often this year, but I slipped into that "she's really busy" mindset. 

Thankfully, I have had great women remind me that my former "she's really busy" mindset is foolish. 

This year I have met slightly older women from a variety of countries living in a variety of other countries. They each have an abundance of wisdom. They each show me more of Jesus. They each teach me more about me. Every coffee date (planned or unplanned) and every Skype date has reminded me of how much I need this. I need to hear stories and experiences from slightly older women. I need to have them ask me probing questions and patiently wait for my answers. I need them to extend grace to me. I need a broader community that isn't composed primarily of single-lower-to-mid-20-somethings. We all do. 

That's why I want a mentor next year. I want to be intentional about participating in a broader community and inviting others to journey through life with me. I want to soak in more wisdom. I want to see more of Jesus. I want to be asked probing questions and slowly give answers. I want to hear stories. I want to learn from the experiences of others. I want to intentionally do life with more slightly older women.

Each sweet slightly older friend has been such a blessing to my life. Each one has shown me great love, and I am so glad that these women from this year will continue to do life with me next year. They are so good to me and have made it clear that our friendships go beyond this year on the same continent. I'm learning to trust that they really are not too busy for me. They keep telling me so. And as I learn to trust them, I'm learning to trust that that's probably true for the really awesome slightly older women back home as well. 

So thank you, ladies. Thank you for every conversation over coffee or a meal. Thank you for every Facebook message. Thank you for every prayer, story, moment of laughter, and piece of wise advice. 

I look forward to more in the future -- with you and with others.

Reader, do you have a mentor? Do you want a mentor? Who will you ask to regularly meet with you to journey through life together?