Thankfully, I've only had two "my life is falling apart" experiences so far. The first happened on my first full day back; I was overwhelmed with all the stuff everywhere. I left a home that used a stove box as a multi-purpose coffee table and entertainment center to come to a home that misplaced all of my stuff in the various storage spaces. (I did eventually find my things, but all of the stuff made me freak out.) I cried a lot that day.
The second "my life is falling apart" experience occurred yesterday. I heard "Great I Am" on the radio for the first time yesterday. My team learned it at a conference in January, and it quickly became one of our favorites. It was so strange to hear someone other than my team singing it. I was reminded of how much I miss my teammates. I miss them A LOT. I began to think about what they were doing; they were probably in a village sharing the gospel with the summer mission trips or resting in our house that may or may not have had power. While they were doing that, I was in a very nice neighborhood helping sort stuff for a rummage sale. (Honestly, I wasn't much help; I dislike sorting things and making decisions, so I'm not good at it and don't put forth too much effort.) I've always felt out of place in nice neighborhoods with perfectly manicured lawns and beautiful, new homes. I feel even more out of place now. Where are the lizards, ants, and mice??? I'm grateful that I don't have to fight the animals on a daily basis, but that somehow feels more normal and natural now.
Friends, this blog isn't meant to poo-poo on being home. It's not meant to say that my other home is better. I want to celebrate the beauty of both places, but before I do that, I needed to share where my heart is in all of this. Today is a "my life is nearly falling apart but it'll be okay someday soon" kind of a day. I believe that. I'm still hurting though. I've learned that acknowledging hurt is good, and celebrating during the hurt is also good. So let's celebrate!
Here are some few things that I love about being back in South Dakota:
- Communication. I can call or text my friends in the U.S. whenever I want. And they can respond! That first day back was so great as friends called just because they could. It brought me a lot of joy, and just thinking about it brings back the joy. Good stuff. Simple stuff but stuff I really, really missed.
- Coffee Shops. I love coffee shops. I missed them while in Ghana. My favorite part about coffee shops is the conversation that happens when you meet people for coffee. So, so good. I missed coffee dates with my friends. I missed the smells of Coffea and Caribou. I'm glad to be back in those lovely places with fantastic people.
- Hugs. I used to hate physical touch. Then I roomed with three women who love hugs and cuddling. Now I like hugs and sometimes cuddling. (Small progress, folks!) I missed hugging my friends this past year. It's a small thing, but it's an important thing.
- Young Life Summer Bible Study. This is easily one of my favorite things in life. I love the friends and the conversation. It's so great. I missed it all year. I thought it would be weird to come back and try to be a part of it again, but it's not weird. It's wonderful. I love the leaders, college friends, and high school friends that come. I'm thankful that I can have a third summer of bible study awesomeness.
- Children. There are so many adorable kids in Ghana. So, so many. But none of them are my cousins. I missed playing with my little cousins. It's nice to be back to hear their giggling and shouting and chase them around the house playing games.
- Piano. We were blessed to have a keyboard in Ghana. I am so thankful for that. But when I played the piano for the first time in 9ish months, I realized that the keyboard isn't that great. I missed the beauty of the piano. I feel so at home playing one. It's so good to be back and playing.
- Being Cold. I forgot what the sensation felt like. I realized that I tend to have cold hands. That's a wonderful thing to re-experience. I also love wearing sweatshirts and jeans. I love blankets while sleeping and while watching movies. It's nice to need that clothing and those blankets again.
- Driving. I drove a lot in college. I missed driving this year. It's nice to have those summer night drives again. It's a great place for me to think. I love it.
- Independence. I can now go anywhere I want whenever I want. I can be out at night alone. I missed that. I realized that that independence isn't necessary, but it's a beautiful privilege that I will embrace whenever it is mine.
Even though the list above is great and brings me oodles of joy, there's another list - one of things that I miss from my home in Ghana:
- My Teammates. I miss them. I miss hearing their voices. I miss the inside jokes. I miss the boys walking past our window and saying some type of hello multiple times a day. I miss our weekly ladies' night. I miss our team movie night. I miss our team dinners. I miss our worship times. I miss our guessing games about when the power will come back on. And I even miss Brittany being sarcastically mean to me and dishing it back to her in return. I miss those friends.
- Ghanaians. I miss my Ghanaian friends. I miss the girls I met with on a regular basis. I miss the students that I gave piano lessons to. I miss the students who came to our bible study. I miss the women who came to our monthly ladies' nights. I miss the Ghanaian staff. I miss the people who lived on our street. I miss the smiling faces and the love that was so clearly evident.
- Simplicity. It was nice to have limits. I enjoyed having few options at the grocery store. It made me appreciate the options I had even more. I enjoyed not knowing when the power and water would work; it helped me realize I don't deserve electricity and water. I was humbled in Ghana. Now I'm back in a place where there are at least 12 different options for apples alone, and the power and water always work. It's harder to remember that I don't deserve these things when I'm here.
- Raw Beauty. Ghana is beautiful in a way that isn't always obvious. It's not perfectly manicured lawns or immaculate houses. You have to search and keep your eyes open to see the beauty. There's so much potential in this place. As I saw what was around me, I didn't always see what was there, but I saw what I knew God could do. He can do big things in Ghana. And I know whatever he does, will be beautiful.
 |
| My friend Aubri took this picture while she visited in January. It's a view from the side of our church. |
- Sunday School. My team will understand why this is missed. Sunday school and church were filled with great friends. And Sunday school was full of happy little songs and hilariously cheesy jokes. I miss the people. I miss the songs. I miss the evident joy.
- Food. That's right. I actually miss the food. All I wanted to eat yesterday was rice, but I didn't get to eat it. I'll need to make rice soon. Sometimes I wish I lived in a big city so that there would be a plethora of African grocery stores. The closest thing I have is an East African grocery store in Sioux Falls. Hopefully they'll have things like fufu flour. I can hope, right?
- Staff Prayer Meetings. I miss singing hymns a capella. I miss the passion of our Ghanaian staff friends as they sang and as they prayed. I miss community created each Wednesday morning. I miss a few songs specifically. My heart hurts a little each time I hear those treasured songs here.
There are more things that would be on each list, but I know you don't want to read a novel on my blog. (If you want to read a novel, you'll pick one up, right?) However, I do want to share with you a little bit about what I'm celebrating and what I'm grieving at this point in my life. This transition is hard and weird, but I know it's good. We have a good, good God who has beautiful things in store for us. For the past 9 months, Ghana was that beautiful thing for me. And for the next 3.5 months, South Dakota is that beautiful thing for me. He's good. This change is good. I just need to trust him and continue to be honest with him and others about where I'm at with all of it.
No comments:
Post a Comment