At the beginning of August, I went to a debrief conference with my Ghana teammates. It was meant to help us process the year and be ready to move onto whatever was next in our lives.
Everyone there was asked to create a summary of their year in three words or less. I thought, that's an easy one. I created my summary within the first few months in Ghana. It was "the desert year". Plain and simple. Not pretty, but accurate.
Ghana is a tropical place. I was nowhere near the physical desert. But I was in a desert with the LORD. It's not a bad thing, just a hard thing. God leads people into the desert sometimes.
After Jesus was baptized, the Holy Spirit compelled him to go into the desert, and Satan tempted him there (Mark 1:12-13; Matthew 4:1-11). But Jesus clung to the Father and the truth.
The Israelites were led into the desert for 40 years. Their experience was partially a consequence of sin (Numbers 13:34). I do not believe that God sent me to Ghana to punish me. But while the Israelites were wandering, God had them in a place where he could refine them; some fell away, but those who clung to him saw his faithfulness. They had to trust him for every small thing. And he continued to reveal their sin to them. They were constantly reminded that they were not as awesome as they thought they were.
That is why I call Ghana "the desert year". God helped me see more of my sin. I learned I am nowhere near as awesome as I thought I was. God refined me. I was forced to trust him for so many small (and big) things that I didn't "need" to trust him for before Ghana.
And in all of that, I became even more broken. It was as if I was scrubbed with sandpaper to the point where my skin was fresh but in excruciating pain. In that vulnerable and confused state, I absolutely did not want to enter into another potential desert year. I was so resistant to continue doing ministry overseas. Yet God asked me to go. Yikes. I fought it all summer and nearly dropped out. How could this broken mess risk any more? I felt like I had nothing else to give. But God still kept asking me to go.
Three weeks ago, I was reading through Hosea. It is one of my favorite books. I connect with it.
I clung to Hosea 2:14-23 last year. It says
“But then I will win her back once again.
I will lead her into the desert
and speak tenderly to her there.
I will return her vineyards to her
and transform the Valley of Trouble[b] into a gateway of hope.
She will give herself to me there,
as she did long ago when she was young,
when I freed her from her captivity in Egypt.
When that day comes,” says the Lord,
“you will call me ‘my husband’
instead of ‘my master.’[c]
O Israel, I will wipe the many names of Baal from your lips,
and you will never mention them again.
On that day I will make a covenant
with all the wild animals and the birds of the sky
and the animals that scurry along the ground
so they will not harm you.
I will remove all weapons of war from the land,
all swords and bows,
so you can live unafraid
in peace and safety.
I will make you my wife forever,
showing you righteousness and justice,
unfailing love and compassion.
I will be faithful to you and make you mine,
and you will finally know me as the Lord.“In that day, I will answer,”
says the Lord.
“I will answer the sky as it pleads for clouds.
And the sky will answer the earth with rain.
Then the earth will answer the thirsty cries
of the grain, the grapevines, and the olive trees.
And they in turn will answer,
‘Jezreel’—‘God plants!’
At that time I will plant a crop of Israelites
and raise them for myself.
I will show love
to those I called ‘Not loved.’[d]
And to those I called ‘Not my people,’[e]
I will say, ‘Now you are my people.’
And they will reply, ‘You are our God!’”
I found some comfort in the fact that God would lead Israel into the desert so that he could speak tenderly to her there. God spoke tenderly to me last year, and I clung to every lesson and tender word. But as I read that section the other week, I found comfort in another verse:
"I will return her vineyards to her and transform the Valley of Trouble into a gateway of hope." (2:15a)
I think this year in Eastern Europe is a season where the LORD will return the vineyards to me. He will remind me of my hope.
[This is an especially fun idea knowing that there are lots of real vineyards in Eastern Europe! See:]
And in the past week and a half, I have already seen glimpses of that. God is already helping me let go of my idols that were revealed to me last year. I tried so hard to let go of them then, but they kept finding a home in my heart. They are less of an issue now than they have ever been.
You see, I don't think the vineyards contain the former longings of my heart. I think the vineyards hold something entirely different. And I think the LORD is going to show me the beauty of such vineyards this year. I am already seeing little and huge blessings so far.
I believe God will give me the vineyards this year so that I can more readily call him "my husband", give myself to him, and not fight him when he asks me to take whatever step is next.
The potential of the vineyards is honestly frightening. I have vague ideas of what fruit it may include. But I don't actually know, and I have a feeling it will be much more than I have ever anticipated.
Still, I am rejoicing in this beautiful gift, a beautiful promise, and a God who delights in being near to me.
How is the LORD asking you to give yourself to him? What desert or vineyard is he asking you to experience? Will you take the risk and follow him into it?
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