Not an Island

During my last week at home, I was chatting with my mom. She said, "I always knew Kady would be a cheerleader." 

I said, "Really?"

"Yeah. I knew what all my kids would be like when they were older. I knew Chris would be constantly getting into trouble."

And then she paused. As if she only had two kids. I couldn't handle wondering what she thought of me and Dean, so I asked. I honestly forgot what she said about Dean, but I remember what she said about me. "You would always be arguing. When you were little you would argue about anything. I knew you'd grow up and keep arguing."

She's right. I lowered my head and thought, "Oops. I love to argue."

Thankfully, I have realized in the last few years that some of my arguments are unnecessary. Sometimes I just fight to be right. Or to annoy and frustrate people. So I am trying to argue less. I want to argue about only the things that truly matter. Thankfully for me, I think a lot of things are worth arguing about like social justice issues. There's a lot of them, so I still get to argue.

But as I sat in the living room talking with my mom, I realized that my desire to argue isn't completely good. It stems from my intense sense of independence.

I love being independent. I love wandering alone and not having to wait on others. I despised group projects in school. I simply prefer to work on my tasks alone. There are exceptions to my independent tendencies, but overall, I love doing things on my own. 

Once I accepted the fact that God wanted me to continue ministry with Cru, I began to think about the support raising process. I figured it would be easier the second time around because I already had a great support team while I was in Ghana. 

I had a plan. I would go home, meet with people again, meet with new people, and have all of my financial support in by mid-July. Then I could raise extra to help my teammates! Two of my teammates were raising support for the first time, so I figured helping them would be great for all of us. 

I thought, "I can do this! Easy peasy! I don't need any help. I know how this goes." [Now, clearly I need help from my financial supporters. It's a great thing, but I thought beyond their lovely partnerships, I could do this alone.]

And then this summer actually happened. And at mid-July, I was nowhere near my goal. I was only at 25% of my goal. I was failing.

It was a hard place to be in, but it was a good place. I had to let go of my independence. I had to admit that I can't do this alone. God definitely humbled me.

God didn't just humble me though, he also blessed me in awesome ways. The week before I left, my financial support for the year came in! And it came in through ridiculously incredible ways: 

1. Some of my Ghana teammates had support they didn't use while in Ghana still in their staff accounts. Since they weren't continuing to work with the organization, they transferred some of their support to me. It is such a blessing to know that we are still a team even though we are thousands of miles apart. My Ghana team is such a blessing in my life. 
2. Those two new teammates who I wanted to transfer support to were blessed enough in their support raising process to transfer support to me. God is so gracious and works in ways that we would never expect. It was a beautiful reminder to me that my team will help meet my needs this next year and not just financially.
3. My boss spoke with some donors on my behalf, and people I have never heard of decided to partner with me this year. I knew God would meet my needs, but I had no idea it would be in such a different way.
4. I met with wonderful people this summer who encouraged me, showed me Jesus' love, and decided to partner with me this year. These old and new friends are so good to me.

I love the way God decided to meet my needs. He wouldn't let me continue to think that I've got this covered. He brought in my financial support in a way that only he gets the glory for it. He showed me that I need other people. I need community. I cannot survive if I try to be an island. Because really, I can only be a state or a province, part of something bigger than myself. And now I don't really want it any other way. I love the community he's given me through this, and I am excited to share in this journey with my Ghana team, my financial partners, and my Expedition team. This is going to be good, and I'm thankful that God is meeting my needs in the ways he knows are best.

And this is the team that will be around to meet some of my needs this year, and they've already been showing me how they'll be God's provision in my life these next 9.5 months.